I feel like abortions should bother me more
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
