My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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