when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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