You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I love having hate sex.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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