conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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