By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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