Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
