Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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