Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
