i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
