Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
