i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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