you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
