i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
