and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
