My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
