I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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