I'm eating all of the evidence.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
