I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
