it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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