I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
