she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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