Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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