I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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