it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
