she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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