Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you traded sex for a burrito?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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