MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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