I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
