Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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