Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
