He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
