there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
