first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
