you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
