you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You ate ashes out of my bong
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
