I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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