my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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