Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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