I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
