He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
