garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
