Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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