no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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