just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
