How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
