I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize