just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
