Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
