New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize