maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
