the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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