i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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