Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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