i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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