So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize