whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
