U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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