Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
