allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
