the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
