If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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