Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
