oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
