i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
