lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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