whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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