what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
