I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize