Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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