'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
