i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
