It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
