you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
