she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
