Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
