she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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