I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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