remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
