my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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