I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
