You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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