every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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