Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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