Only a mothe r could love this liver
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
