There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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