I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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