can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
