hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
