3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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