Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
