WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
