the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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