I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
