we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
