It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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