So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
