I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
