I'm jealous of your bromance
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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