Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
