Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
