Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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