You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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