My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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