I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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