There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
